Sex, intimacy and the human body are such amazing tools for fun and pleasure, whether emotional, physical, psychological, or a combination of the three. Being open, able and happy to explore the variety of ways in which you can bring you and your partner pleasure can be a little scary, at first, but it can also be utterly exhilarating, fulfilling and present a whole new world of exciting possibilities as well.
Many people already enjoy some form of impact play - whether that means a slight love tap during sex, or as a form of playful endearment, or even the more extreme and involved full-blown impact scenes. Impact play is more common than you may think!
What Is Impact Play?
But what exactly is impact play? At its most basic level, impact play is the act of striking someone, whether with your hand or a toy or other implement, to bring sexual pleasure, preferably for both partners. Some may think that impact play is all about pain, but you do not need to be a masochist (someone who derives pleasure from pain) or a sadist (someone who derives pleasure from giving pain) in order to enjoy this kinky form of bedroom play. It is certainly on a spectrum that spans from gentle to severe, and everything in between. There may be no aspect of pain, depending on what you use, and how hard you use it.
If you are not turned on by pain, or giving pain, you may still enjoy some light impact play using just your hand and parts of the body that are not sensitive to impact - like the rear and backs of the upper thighs. A light tap will not hurt, but it might give you that emotional space of having one partner in charge (topping) with the other receiving (bottoming), creating a slight power exchange dynamic that so many find enticing, especially if you go the extra step and pair it with some playful roleplay. A professor with their student, complete with a tie for one and a school uniform for the other, for example. Perhaps someone has been a naughty boy or girl and needs a little bit of punishment.
Whatever the case may be, impact play is more than just hitting someone. It can be very sensual, psychological, emotional, and sexual.
Spanking Games
Fetish Fun on sale for $22.00, available here.
Our Fetish Fun board game is a great way to get started in adding a bit of kink to your bedroom routine. It is safe and easy, and helps to really open up the conversation so you and your partner are able to effectively and playfully communicate the new things you might want to try with each other, without the strain or anxiety of being new and inexperienced. It may even inspire you to come up with your own fun games with your new found love for impact play.
Before You Begin
While it is great to try something new, it is important to remember that, when it comes to something that can be potentially painful or dangerous, it is best to do a bit of research into what you are doing and how you should be doing it.
One important thing to remember is to always listen to each other. If something is too much, find a way to communicate that effectively. In the BDSM world, this is called a "safeword" - a word that you wouldn't normally use during sex and so could never be confused for a "yes means no, no means yes" situation - like "pineapple", for example - that will stop the play so you can talk about why it isn't working for you and perhaps find a different way to try things. Safety is always first!
Make sure you talk about what you want to do beforehand. Whether you will only be using a hand to hit, whether one hits the other and the other takes the spanking willingly or puts up a playful fight, whether you are both comfortable hitting and being hit. This will make sure everything runs smoothly if and when you do try something a little more risque.
Areas To Avoid
Spanking, striking and whipping can all be very fun, but there are definitely places you should avoid. Never hit someone along the spine or in the location of vital organs. Avoid the lower back where you will find the kidneys, and avoid any hard hitting near the ribs. Do not use hard implements across your lover's cheek, the chin, nape of the neck, or against individual fingers and toes. Do spank the inner thighs, outer thighs, rear, backs of thighs and calves, soles of feet and palms of hands. These are all safe places to lay down some impact.
Different Implements to Use
Hands
Tried, tested and true, using your own hand is a great way to start because it is easier to control what you are doing. You can feel how light or how hard you are hitting, and gauge your partner's response to how much force you put behind each strike. You can also use your hand to test out different spots to see which places are most pleasurable. Enjoy the cacophony of sounds coming from your partner's lips and the resounding slap of flesh on flesh.
Using your hand is also more intimate. Try different things like soothing the area you've tapped with a gentle rub, or using your fingertips to knead their skin. Enjoy and explore your partner's body and the ways it can yield.
Paddles
Paddles are a step up and come in so many different shapes, sizes and materials that they could have their own article (and maybe they will!). You can try anything from wood to leather, to rubber, to acrylic. You could enjoy round paddles, rectangular paddles, square paddles, paddles with heart shaped cut outs so they leave little imprints you can see on the skin afterwards. You can get tougher ones with spikes and other textures to increase the pain and sensation factor. Heck, you could even use a wooden spatula or spoon from your kitchen before investing in something more expensive, just to see whether you both like the idea of it and sensations you both experience with using a toy. It is essential to start out small and work your way up.
Fur Lined Paddle - Black ($32.00 USD) available here
Our Fur Lined Black Paddle is a great beginner's paddle. On one side, it is lined with soft faux fur for a thuddy but plush impact, while the other side is meant for something a little harder and more intense. The best of both worlds found in one simple toy!
Floggers and Whips
Floggers and whips are very similar, though whips tend to be much longer and can also just be one tendril or a few, while a flogger is often many. They can be a bit more difficult to wield and require more practice with precision. However floggers especially are fun for simple sensation play. Having your partner close their eyes while you run the tails across their skin, over their shoulders, down their back, over buttocks and thighs, before administering a gentle strike against their rear can really build anticipation and arousal. The surprise of wondering where it will strike next, how hard, will leave your partner gasping and panting for more.
Floggers and whips come in a variety of types, sizes and materials as well. The thinner the tails are, the more bite they will have when they strike flesh. Harder materials and braided tendrils provide a thuddier feel than softer materials which might be more of a sting.
It can be a little difficult to come up with a scene or think of a way to get into the mood, which is a large part of enjoying a bit of BDSM play in the bedroom. If you find you want to try a flogger but aren't sure how to get to that point, check out another of our games currently on sale.
Weekend in Bed, currently on sale for $25.00, available here.
Not only does it come with amazing little scenario cards, it includes a beginner flogger (and paddle) for you to try out as well!
Canes/Sticks
These are another step up on the impact play scale, and one you have to be very careful in taking. Canes are thin rods made out of hard materials like carbon fiber, acrylic, wood, metal, etc. and often deliver a stinging sensation. Depending on how hard you hit, and how quickly you flick, it could even leave markings behind - welts, bruises, and if used often enough in the same place, may also break skin. Make sure you have some first aid items at your disposal, just in case. Be very careful when using this toy!
Crops
You might think that a crop is only used for equestrian pursuits, but you would be wrong! Easier to control and great for a quick, sharp little slap on your or your partner's behind, crops are a lot of fun and great for areas that are harder to get to, like the insides of the thighs, the bottom of the feet and the palms of hands. It really is a tool that can be used for impact play on all parts of the body, including very gentle love taps against more sensitive and intimate areas. It, too, can be used in a similar fashion as the flogger to increase arousal and anticipating by running the leather against your partner's skin.
They are often made using leather or silicon and can be different shapes to leave fun little marks. Check out our heart-shaped flogger to show your love by leave little red hearts on your partner's skin. Don't worry, the print left behind will fade in time, even as your love remains.
Sex and Mischief Heart Crop ($20.00 USD) available here
Regardless of what you use, the point is to have fun with each other, mind, body and soul. Always be sure you communicate your desires and needs, and do what makes you and your lover feel the best! Whether that means light love taps or a dungeon style impact session, figure out what works best for you to ignite and stoke the flame of passion.